Showing posts from 2022

Solve Problems; Be Happy

  Is it ever that simple? Manson's idea of "solve problems; be happy," is a concept that leaves us readers to present the usual, wet-rag-cliche, "easier said than done," until it's no longer a wrung-out towel but rather just strings of fabric left in the turnaround of aggressive squeezing.  As cliche as the saying is, it's often true. How we go about un-truthing this truth has yet to be discussed, but Manson presents two problems that halt happiness progress- i.e. the 'solving' of our problems.   1. Denial "Some people deny that their problems exist in the first place. And because they deny reality, they must constantly delude or distract themselves from reality. This may make them feel good in the short term, but it lends to a life of insecurity, neuroticism, and emotional repression." 2. Victim Mentality   "Some choose to believe that there is nothing they can do to solve their problems, even when they in fact could. Victims seek

Happiness is A Problem

 "There is a premise that underlies a lot of our assumptions and beliefs. This premise is that happiness is algorithmic, that it can be worked for and earned and achieved as if it were getting accepted to law school or building a really complicated Lego set...this premise, though, is the  problem . Happiness is not a solvable equation." Leave it to Manson to have me questioning everything I thought I knew about happiness in just a few sentences.  If he was here right now, I'd ask,  Manson- are you telling me that happiness isn't something I build for myself? That it isn't a constant state once I understand how first to achieve it? And looking at those questions now, they almost seem ridiculous to assume. I thought it was a state of mental control- that happiness was something I could eventually- as one would start an engine- ignite at moment's notice- even in the face of collision-worthy problems.  Yet, here I am- mistaken (but what about the optimists?)  &quo

How Linda Belcher Gave Me the Confidence to Leave the "day-job" I Had Just Started.

Season 3 Episode 14 Linda starts a job at the local grocery, and within a week she's hired full-time as a shift lead.  On her first day without the manager... ...she's taken advantage of, and everyone ends up with the day off...but her.  Safe to say it all went to he** from there.  She quits, no notice, and returns to the restaurant to be with her beloved husband and children.  I don't know why, but this episode spoke to me.  Here I was, working my "day" job (which is actually a midnight, but ya know) wondering why I can't just quit when things would be better for myself if I did.  But I pride myself on several things when it comes to a job: - Timeliness - Effort  - Committment  And this being a job I just started, it didn't sit well with me to leave when it hasn't even been a month.  And I admit, there is still a guilty feeling.  I have a nice boss, nice fellow employees... overall easy job requirements.  But I'm suffering.  The exhaustion I feel

3 Subtleties to Clarify How Not To Give A F***

  Many think not giving fuck means being indifferent, a "calm that weather's all storms," but Manson says that this notion is the wrong way to interpret his message. Last Monday, we touched on Manson's list of subtleties to clarify what he means when he says to "not give a fuck,"  To refresh: 1) Not giving a fuck does not mean being indifferent; it means being comfortable with being different... 2) To not give a fuck about adversity, you must first give a fuck about something more important than adversity... 3) Whether you realize it or not, you are always choosing what to give a fuck about... Let's break these down. Not giving a fuck does not mean being indifferent; it means being comfortable with being different... Indifference is the last thing Manson wants us to emit.  He writes that indifferent people:     "often attempt to be indifferent because in reality they give way too many fucks... they give a fuck about what everyone thinks of their ide

We Care Too Much About Insignificant Things

  "To not give a fuck is to stare down life's most terrifying and difficult actions and still take action..." If you read our last article covering Manson's self-help book, see [link], then you know that when Mark said to "not try" he meant to not try and avoid the negative experiences associated with life that we are so afraid to face--   and instead, tackle them head-on by "not giving a fuck." As to what that entails, we'll cover it later.  In the meantime, tell me if this sounds familiar: "[You] give too many fucks in situations where fucks do not deserve to be given..." I think that's something that all of us can relate to. Instead of caring about insignificant things, Manson advises:      "[learn] how to focus and prioritize your thoughts effectively- how to pick and choose what matters to you and what does not matter to you based on finely honed personal is perhaps the most worthy struggle one can undertake

It's A Negative Experience Wanting A Positive Experience

  Wait ... what ?  Did I read that right?  "It's a Negative Experience Wanting A Positive Experience" Last Monday, we covered Mark Manson's "Feedback Loop From Hell," but that was only the beginning of the bizarreness and eccentricity evident throughout the pages of this book that I can't help but continue reading.  The more I follow his words, the more connected I feel to Manson, almost as if he's describing me, and my problems, within the chapters and their subcategories piece-by-piece, shrinking the puzzle of my life into something so insubstantial, yet positively so. How the  heck  does he accomplish that...? I'll tell you: He Introduces the Backwards Law (Philosopher Alan Watts) The title of this post, "It's A Negative Experience Wanting A Positive Experience," is  an  example of the  B ackwards Law.   Confusing I know...  but listen to this,           "[The Backwards Law is] an idea that the more you pursue feeling better

Monday's Are For Not Giving A F***

  It's called the Feedback Loop From Hell... As Manson, author of the acclaimed self-help book  The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck  dubs it, "[It's] an insidious quirk to your brain that, if you let it, can drive you absolutely batty." You're anxious around people, you wonder why, and then become anxious about being anxious. You're angry at how easily you anger, making you even more so.  You feel guilty for any mistake you make and are then driven to feel even more guilty because you feel guilty for feeling guilty.  Those are just a few of the examples Manson provided, and if you're like me, just reading that makes your head spin.  The Feedback Loop From Hell makes a lot of sense now... His advice? Don't give a F*** "By not giving a fuck that you feel bad, you short-circuit the Feedback Loop From Hell; you say to yourself, "I feel like shit, but who gives a fuck?'" And then you stop hating yourself. It's logic like this that I i

Manson Mondays

 An excerpt from Mark Manson's self-help book titled, "The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A #@%!" instilled within me a realization I'd never truly considered:      "When you stop and really think about it, conventional life advice- all the positive and happy self-help stuff we hear all the time- is actually fixating on what you  lack . It lasers in on  what you perceive your personal shortcomings and failures to already be , and then emphasizes them for you. You stand in front of the mirror and repeat affirmations saying that you're beautiful  because  you feel as though you're not beautiful already. You follow dating and relationship advice  because  you feel that you're unlovable already. You try goofy visualization exercises about being more successful  because  you feel as though you aren't successful enough already.      Ironically, this fixation on the positive- on what's better, what's superior- only serves to remind us over and over aga

The Art of Rain

         A single drop of rain is so small, gathered its force is so strong, but even then, the sound of those drops hitting the concrete scream of loneliness.       Rain mutes the sky to gray like I try to mute my overwhelming emotions. After so long, I can't figure out how to deal with them, so I let them deal with me. I'm tired because of the rain. I'm melancholy because of the rain.       Does it ever pass? When it does, why does it only stay for a short time; the sun? Even on sunny days, the sadness gathers in the clouds above, waiting to come down onto the days' happiness. I can be so good for so long, and then, so suddenly it waves upon me.       I don't know how to clear the rain. I try to focus on myself, on my hobbies, doing something other than focusing on the drip. the drip of those oncoming emotions, yet they come despite my struggle against them.      Have you ever seen your shadow in the rain? You can see it, you know, just before the sun fades to gra

The Bucket Digest

  Did you know that 93% of homes have a junk drawer? I too am part of this statistic, but rather than a drawer, I put my junk in buckets.  Why a bucket?  Really, the better, often overused question is,  why not ?  They're readily available (after finishing off the kids' cheese puffs), closeable, and can be packed away out of site under my kitchen cabinets. I mention this because... I want you to think of this site as a junk bucket. It's more or less filled with belongings of similar uses, but don't be surprised if there's something completely off-the-wall unrelated. A sort of ensuing chaos, but not the bad kind. The kind that keeps you entertained, thoughtful, aware... Words to provide direction, words to provide insight, consciousness, thoughtfulness, empathy, sincerity... Words to remind us of our human capabilities, ingenuities, and perspectives. At  The Bucket Digest...   we speak of art and writing, our lives, and the lives of others in the hopes of creating a

2 Interview Q's That Suck, and How to Answer Them

Businesses hate when you apply to their job for the pay.  It's something that used to stump me every time I had an interview, "what are you hoping to gain from the company"... when mostly, I was hoping for a paycheck. But that's something you never admit.  There needs to be a higher motive when you apply for a job...  And here are two great answers you can give to this question: 1. Character Development Think about the role and how it will shape your character.  What qualities will it bring it out in you?  Discuss these.  2. Skill Set What particular skills will you gain/improve?  Let's put these answers in a real-world example.  I recently applied for a full-time job at my local Planet Fitness. They hire  in-company  if you're interested in moving up the ranks... which is something that I could benefit from in the long run.  My answer to this question (i.e., "what are you hoping to gain from the company?") might be something like, "I want to st

Their Doubt Fuels My Fire

There's nothing more annoying than being looked down on... even if it's not  wholly  intentional... Phrases like, "it's nice to have  dreams ..."  or "are you sure that's a good idea?" come to mind.  Maybe it's because I'm a woman.  Emotional, reckless, lazy.  What value and drive could I have? I mean,  seriously?   I've never been so disappointed... truly, what a mindset- that  women  are incapable.  When we've birthed life...  ...raised generations.  We've protested, invented, worked ourselves to the bone... We've cried for justice and demanded change.  Women are leaders in this world...  And I can be one too! So, I won't let anyone's doubt settle into my brain... ...I'll use it to fuel my desire instead.  Haters will hate, but they will do so without ambition for themselves. How they look at others, especially someone close... Says more about themselves than the person they doubt. Because hate stems from envy...

Interview With Our Guest Contributor, Getting To Know Andrea Geones

Andrea Geones of Words Between Coasts has been a regular contributor to the Bucket Digest for a while now, and in appreciation for her lovely articles, I figured it's more than time to learn a bit about her and her interests. So, we sat down and had a little interview regarding her love of writing, acting, and her pursuits beyond both:  Andrea Geones When did you discover your love of writing? Your love of acting? My love for writing came from an early love for reading. When I started writing in elementary school, my teachers recognized my aptitude, but I owe it to the fact that I was reading novels by age six while most other kids were playing sports and doing other social activities. (Contrarily, I was always distinctly terrible with sports!) I knew that I wanted to be an actor when I was a toddler. There was this one time my dad was watching “The Wizard of Oz” with me, and to try and convince me out of wanting to act, he pointed at Dorothy and said with disdain, “see? When you’

To My Fellow Writers

  There’s constructive criticism, and then there’s criticism. Most of us can tell the difference, but if you’re one of those, “I have to get it right the first time” people (I used to be) both types have a tendency to hurt.  Here’s how I stopped being depressed at the “failures” constructive criticism pointed out in my writing: I Realized That Criticism Wasn’t Pointing Out My Failures I know it's counterintuitive to what I just said, but it's true! When something needs adjusting, it's not about what you failed at doing, it’s about what you could improve upon. It’s a matter of mindset. Understanding What You Did Wrong Will Prevent You From Making the Same Mistakes In The Future Was it the way something was worded? Ask yourself: is there a clearer way to write the same thing ? How valid is certain information to your overall point ?   These are just a few things to consider.  If I Kept Taking Everything to Heart, I Would Have Gone Nowhere in My Writing Career I want to take

A Pair Of Hospital Pants...

  I keep a pair of ugly hospital pants in the bottom drawer of my dresser to remind me of that day- the worst day.  I should trash them, but I can't help but hold on to the memory they belong to.  I think back to that time often-  The fear, the hope, the helplessness, the heartbreak.  Losing a child is a feeling like no other- even when that child didn't resemble anything human- it was only a small pile of flesh with black eyes when it left my womb- but it was a child nonetheless. My child .  There are people who suggest, people who simply state, "have another one."  Words sting.  I did have another child. A healthy beautiful boy, who grows stronger and bigger by the day, my rainbow, the third... or rather fourth of my offspring- But those people- they don't understand the pain that still lingers- the blame I put on myself, "maybe if I didn't stress so much...maybe if I had known I was pregnant sooner."   But what hurts most is not knowing.  Not know

To Have A Friend, by Andrea Geones

  Photo: T o Have a Friend Written by Andrea Geones at Words Between Coasts. Unconditional love. A beautiful sentiment. The highest moral value. Those for whom you care, loving them with every inch of your body, every beat of your heart, forgiving them every sin, for all their sins. A one-way street, finding contentment and solace in knowing that you love them for everything that they are, without anything expected in return.  Not expecting love in return. Instead, pouring everything you have into making sure they know they are loved, staying by their side through everything, letting them know that you will never let them go. Making sure they understand that they can crumple up all of their trust and faith, no matter how damaged, how injured, into one messy, disorganized ball and placing it into the seemingly bottomless pit of love in your heart, in your life organ that’s pumping blood through your body. Without realizing that it’s poisoning the

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