3 Subtleties to Clarify How Not To Give A F***
Many think not giving fuck means being indifferent, a "calm that weather's all storms," but Manson says that this notion is the wrong way to interpret his message.
Last Monday, we touched on Manson's list of subtleties to clarify what he means when he says to "not give a fuck,"
1) Not giving a fuck does not mean being indifferent; it means being comfortable with being different...
2) To not give a fuck about adversity, you must first give a fuck about something more important than adversity...
3) Whether you realize it or not, you are always choosing what to give a fuck about...
Let's break these down.
Not giving a fuck does not mean being indifferent; it means being comfortable with being different...
Indifference is the last thing Manson wants us to emit.
He writes that indifferent people:
"often attempt to be indifferent because in reality they give way too many fucks... they give a fuck about what everyone thinks of their ideas, so they hide behind sarcasm and self-righteous snark. They're afraid to let anyone get close to them, so they imagine themselves as some special, unique snowflake who has problems that nobody else would ever understand..." he continues:
" indifferent people are afraid of the world and the repercussions of their own choices. That's why they don't make any meaningful choices. They hide in a gray, emotionless pit of their own making, self-absorbed and self-pitying, perpetually distracting themselves from this unfortunate thing demanding their time and energy called life."
I can think of a few people like this from the top of my head and it low-key describes them to a T. I always admired indifference, but maybe what I admired wasn't indifference itself, but rather it's close neighbor-- the confidence not to care (about others' opinions, about judgements)-- what Manson ordains as caring only about the stuff that matters.
Manson stresses about not caring about adversity in the face of your goals, "the willingness to be different, an outcast...all for the sake of one's own values...because [you] know it's right. [You] know it's more important than [you] are, more important than [your] own feelings and [your] own pride and [your] own ego."
I love how he concludes this subtlety,
"You can't be an important and life changing presence for some people without also being a joke and an embarrassment to others...because there is no such thing as a lack of adversity"
To not give a fuck about adversity, you must first give a fuck about something more important than adversity...
Manson starts this subtlety with an anecdote about an old lady going ham at the cashier because he won't accept (or rather can't accept) her 30 cent coupon. Why does she care? Because cutting coupons is all she has to give a fuck about.
"The problem with people who who hand out fucks like ice-cream at a goddamn summer camp is that they don't have anything more fuck-worthy to dedicate their fucks to."
"if you find yourself consistently giving to many fucks about trivial shit that bothers you...chances are you don't have much going on in your life to give a legitimate fuck about. And that's your real problem."
It makes me wonder about the "little things" that bother me... I suppose when I am preoccupied with work or this digest, the little worries tend to fade into the background ( a dirty house, bills, other nuances) but once I step away from the keyboard, all these things come rushing back to me. Do I think freaking out about thirty cents is a bit much? A little. But we don't know the details of anyone's life- truly- other than our own. Who knows? Maybe the 30 cents she saved was going to go into her grandson's piggy bank?
My "little things" when resolved. Give me peace of mind. I suppose that's an effect of some kind of trauma (or so I read) but it's something I battle caring less about (the house that is--) as I have 3 boys and my house won't truly stay clean until after they've flown from the nest.
That being said, our next subtlety:
Whether you realize it or not, you are always choosing what to give a fuck about...
"People aren't just born not giving a fuck. In fact, we're born giving way too many fucks...when we're young, everything is new and exciting, and everything seems to matter so much...As we get older...we become more selective about the fucks we're willing to give. This is something called maturity"
"[A]s we grow older and enter middle age... our energy level drops. Our identity solidifies. We know who we are and accept ourselves, including some of the parts we aren't thrilled about .
And in some way, this is liberating. We no longer need to give a fuck about everything. Life is just what it is. We accept it, warts and all."
In other words, life becomes simple.
It's more than about time we wrap up Chapter 1 of Manson's book, and following his subtleties he goes over what this book will do for us as the reader. He believes that there is "a psychological epidemic, one in which people no longer realize it's okay for things to suck sometimes." and this book and the art of not giving a fuck, "is a simple way of reorienting our expectations for life and choosing what is important and what is not."
An ability Manson says will result in "practical enlightenment" in which we become comfortable with the idea that "some suffering is always inevitable- that no matter what you do, life is comprised of failures, loss, regrets, and even death.."
In conclusion, this book is "a book about moving lightly despite your heavy burdens, resting easier with your greatest fears, laughing at your tears as you cry them. [It] will not teach you how to gain or achieve, but rather how to lose and let go."
Grab your copy: https://amzn.to/3Lq3pmj