Why It's Un-safe in a Relationship to Stay Where You Feel Most Comfortable
I can only think of one word to best describe what I'm talking about: Complacency
"[It's] marked by self-satisfaction especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies"
It's like a sickness that leaves you with 0 motivation, 0 drive, and 0 accountability.
You get too used to something, and you don't see how adversely it affects you and the relationships you hold with others.
I bet you're wondering, rather sarcastically I might add, "so you're saying it's wrong to feel satisfied? Wrong to feel content?"
No. What I'm saying is that complacency is NOT OKAY.
Feeling satisfied or content is different than being complacent, although many tend to think that they go hand-in-hand...
...but in reality, complacency is what happens when that satisfied or content feeling is just expected to stick around without proper work being put into it to keep it that way.
Here's an example:
A couple moves into a new house. They're involved in every aspect and project of the house, together. Fast forward a few weeks, a month or so, and now that everything's in its place, the daily tasks to keep the house maintained seem to suddenly carry onto one of the partners more than the other. At first, the partner doesn't mind, then eventually, they start to notice the unfairness, and frustration starts to build within them...
..."but, that's not the way I should be...don't hold everything down"-- talk about it with your partner.
They do so, and initially, things seemed to have changed for the better...but shortly following, almost as if nothing had been discussed-- complacency again takes root in their other half and the partner is left to do the chores, pay the bills, walk the dog-- whatever it may be-- alone AGAIN.
What the complacent partner doesn't realize, is that it's tearing their relationship apart.
"I'm really tired, so I'm going to sit down and watch tv"
"I don't want to do something, so I'll let my partner do it... We're married now, so they'll never leave..."
Is that what runs through the complacent partner's mind? With no regard for their partner's day or mentality, only their own?
NEWSFLASH: divorce isn't uncommon anymore.
"...but it's no big deal, it's just chores..."
Yet, where would you be if your partner wasn't doing them? You'd be doing it by yourself, like the big boy/girl you're supposed to be. If they were to up-and-leave, you'd very suddenly be aware of the importance of doing your share--
SO DO YOUR SHARE.
Yes, even if only one of you works and the other stays home (watching babies).
Yes, if both of you work.
Yes, if your job is harder/more physically demanding.
...but most importantly...
Be there for one another. There are times when you'll need to pull 100 for a partner that can only do 25, but as long as they reciprocate and do the same for you when you're at your lowest (mentally, not when you simply don't want to do something), then your union will last as long as you will it, and that's a beautiful thing.
Here are five other tips to keep your partner:
Be considerate. Yes, you're tired. Yes, it was a long day-- but what about your partners? Check on them. See how you can ease their stress, and they'll ease yours in return.
Relax together. Ditch the chores, and the errands, sit down with one another and talk. Hear each other out, snuggle, show affection.
Be present. When your partner's talking to you, keep the phone away. Give them your undivided attention-- even if what you think they're talking about is boring-- furthermore, engage, they love to know you're listening, and engaging in the conversation is the best way to do that.
Give each other space when you need it. Sometimes, your partner is going to need some alone time. It doesn't mean they're growing tired of you, they just need to reset.
Never stop pursuing one another. This is definitely one of the most important tips I can give you. There are people all over the world, but your partner chose YOU out of everyone, and that's a very special thing. Do small things to remind them that they made the right choice. They don't have to be super expensive, or even gifts at all-- think: date night, picnics, a bike ride, wildflowers, a dirty note or text (or even a clean one just appreciating them)-- literally any small gesture will suffice (for most).
Love is a long curvy road, with bumps and potholes and flying pebbles-- but at the end of that road is the satisfaction of knowing you spent your whole life with the person you love.
You've scaled the bumps -the hills- patched the holes, picked up the pebbles, and at the end of your life, you get to look back down that road and see what a beautiful path you've created with your hands, held tight by the hands of your partner-- which are warm, enduring, and chock-full of memories you made together...
I've got to admit, I'm a bit teary-eyed just thinking about it...